Connected < Belonging

Catholic Schools know the difference & it’s resulting in better men
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Last year I bought a new iPhone, and I distinctly remember the store attendant smiled when she saw my embarrassingly low single digit model (I think the iPhone 14 is coming out soon). She followed up by telling me that it was a good thing I came in so I could be “caught up” with a newer phone and by doing so, I could “stay better connected.” I recall being somewhat confused but had a general sense of what she meant. You see, by today’s standards, being “connected” means being on as many social media platforms as possible and having instant access to all your contacts with a push of a button or a swipe of a finger. The hyperstress on the importance of interconnectedness has been spoon-fed to younger generations (my fellow Millennials included) for years, and it originates from a culture that often whispers all the wrong messages into the ears of adolescents. It isn’t that “being connected” is a bad thing, but is it really what our young people need? I would argue that it isn’t, and that community and sense of acceptance and belonging are what teens, especially teenage boys, really need. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my phone and have several social media accounts of my own (although I pledge never to have Tik Tok). I also recognize the great good that this tech has provided in bringing the world closer together. However, having been educated in the Catholic and Augustinian tradition, I know that true connectivity is far more than what these platforms often achieve at a superficial level. As an educator, I know too that boys long for a sense of belonging - something that cannot be clicked on or swiped for. The need to belong is fundamental. “Belonging,” by definition, includes accepting someone for who they are, while “connection” is a term that refers to being seen and heard by another. The former requires trust, respect, and love, while the latter requires simple contact. With this distinction in mind, boys need educational communities that will foster a true sense of belonging where they can be safe to grow and mature in a more organic, and less artificial, setting. 

According to an article entitled “The Need to Belong (NB) in Adolescence” (published in 2018 in the International Journal of Psychology and Behavior Science), “a good deal of human behavior is determined by the impressions and evaluations that others have of us. While the teacher-student relationship is clearly crucial, relationships with peers also have a significant impact on the emotional well-being of adolescents.” Furthermore, “students transfer interpersonal skills and attitudes they learn at school to their relationships with other people and groups as members of society in general.” Clearly the impact that teachers, coaches, and fellow students have on adolescent boys today will leave a lasting impression which, in turn, will help form them into the men of tomorrow. With that in mind, Catholics schools are in a unique position to provide exactly what young men need…a place of belonging.